I LOVE the research you put into this. There is a LOT of value in well-scripted videos like this. In my experience they often take some time to start performing in Search... but when they do they are often channel drivers.
You did a lot of things right; you immersed the viewer with multiple visual elements. In particular I like how you decided to throw the image of the Jackson on screen while describing their differences; little things like that go a
long way in the format of visual storytelling and you made some real good decisions.
I am going to be critical of a couple things though. There are some things that could use some improvement. Let's compare your presentation against one that the BBC did...
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You are using the approach of talking directly into the camera... there is nothing wrong with this (I use a similar approach for presentation style videos). As a note be mindful that when you do this
you are only talking to a single person. Cater your speech to the individual watching your video. There is no group of subscribers on the couch huddled around their phone. It's one person; treat the viewer as such.
Your style though is a little bland. Though minimal, can you see the difference in the lighting that the BBC is using in their shots? They are setting up lights specifically to shine a light of the bald parts of these guys heads (I am not even kidding). They are seating them in such a way so that the lighted parts of their faces are contrasting against the darker backgrounds. They seated these guys in a way that causes the lines of the windows and angles of the walls to draw the eye towards them as a focal point of the shot. They also Switch up the focus and zoom in on these guys as they are talking. I would highly encourage you to add this knowledge to your presentation.
Watch Nick Nimmin. He does this straight-to-the-camera style presentation. He is bouncing all over the place when he talks. It creates movement and action. You don't need your footage to look like a rave at Club 54... but a little activity in the shot to help keep interest will help video performance. I would suggest zooming in/out of some of your clips to help with this, and I would HIGHLY advise you go to Home Depot/WalMart/Sutherlands and get 2-3 super-cheap can construction lights and some super cheap, low-intensity light bulbs to 'paint your set.' Spend a little time creating a more complex, intriguing visual presentation to add to your solid script work, editing and story-telling. There are a ton of videos out there on beginner lighting tricks that when combined with some simple editing and movement will likely provide a significant upstroke in your overall video performance.
You are skilled and you are talented... might as well bring the set design up to your caliber of video!
