This is something I'm trying to improve myself (if you can share a screenshot of your audience retention graph that will be helpful) I'm actually investigating my audience retention graphs a lot more closely today
Here's some links that might help a little
Tubebuddy tweeted this link to an editing breakdown by logan paul's editor (ignore your opinions of logan paul himself, but you can't deny that editing is a large part of his success)
View: https://twitter.com/TubeBuddy/status/1359683674967572486?s=20
Creator insider did a video on audience retention that was shared the other day on this forum that I'm about to watch.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8RT5w-QISY&ab_channel=CreatorInsider
It's one of the biggest challenges to be honest. It's easy to analyse keywords and adjust, it's easy to re-title a video, re-do your description, it's even easy to re-make a thumbnail, but you can't re-edit/re-record a video when you learn of how you can improve, all you can do is record a new video, and that's a long challenge of ever evolving, ever learning, and continuous experimentation in trying different approaches, then watching how those approaches effect your next video's retention.
I'm not the best at this, far from it actually, but I've been experimenting with BAAM right to the point from the beginning, and making sure there's something interesting going on ever 5-10 seconds. You could do something as simple as a zoom cut, and zoom out cut after certain sentences. You could try experimenting with graphic overlays, you could try meme-ing it up, or practice different vocal delivery approaches. Try it a little faster and punchier, or you might be too fast, in which case slow down.
It's definitely a tough one, so I'll be watching what others suggest as well, but try those links above because I'm definitely learning this one as well.
